Thursday, April 10, 2008

The Cosmopolitan Dating Test

Today's blog is about that fine academic journal of all things health and relationships, Cosmopolitan. I do not read Cosmo, but I know several people who have.

I was recently told about groundbreaking Cosmopolitan research that identified the "4 Types of Men You Never Want to Date". I have to publicly admit that I have failed the "Cosmopolitan Dating Test".

Let's take a look at the 4 personality types that Cosmo has declared to be losers:

1. The Adrenaline Junkie - You definitely want to stay away from rock climbers, alpinists, and ice climbers because they will spend so much time on their outdoor adventures that there will never be quiet time for a bowl of popcorn and "Sleepless in Seattle". They'll be planning their next adventure, coiling their ropes, and checking their gear lists. Next thing you'll know they'll want to climb every mountain in New Hampshire.

2. Nice Guy with a Chip on His Shoulder - I am a nice guy, but alas, I have a Chip in my shoulder containing all my medical records. In addition, the Cosmo researchers warn against the guy with stylized dressing habits, definitely ruling out my black Nehru jacket, black shirt, and vegan shoes. Stylish dressers spend so much time thinking about ways to accessorize that they'll never have time for moonlit walks on the beach.

3. Smooth Operator - The guy with the polished anecdotes about life as a CIO, leadership lessons learned, and spellbinding tales of project management will never have time to whisper sweet nothings in your ear.

4. Workaholic Hotshot - Definitely be wary of the guy with an 80 hour work week who has multiple jobs and doesn't sleep much. He'll be so attached to his Blackberry that there will never be a romantic moment away from a keyboard.

My wife and I have been together for 28 years, through sickness and health, Windows and Mac OS, residency and network outages, so I think it will last. When I explained what a loser I am according to Cosmopolitan, her response is that she would never want to date me, just marry me. Aw shucks...


Tothie said...

What an enjoyable and clever bit of wit to go with my coffee this morning! Thanks for the light-hearted start to a busy day.

Dr. Val said...

Great story. Great wife. :)

e-Patient Dave said...

Usually I like to backtrack to check the original source story, but in this case I'll pass. ")

Hey, how can I get a chip in my shoulder too? You guys do that? Nobody's offered me one. I'll emit an ENDLESS stream of cheap puns, not to mention the e-patient coolness factor.


(Does it have enough capacity for all my CT images?)